Today is friday! I should be enthusiastic, but I feel a bit disappointed with how the week has gone so far.
To be honest, when I think more critically about the subject, it hasn’t really been a bad week. For some reason I keep setting unrealistically high expectations for my days, then as the week goes on sort have a slow burn out and fall into a slumpy low.
This week started quite well though, almost all week I have been getting up at 5.00 am. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I was proper buzzing, in particular Monday and Tuesday I was so productive, I was literally on fire.
I think the problem though was, despite avoiding any Monday blues (somehow Mondays nearly always knock me for six and yet I’ve had plenty of Mondays, one every week in fact! 🙂 ), I spent the whole of Monday and Tuesday lying to my inner child telling her I am now a new super hero, that by Friday my life would be so ‘flippin awesome’ i’d be proper flying. Then I guess Friday came and I crashed, with some pre – warning signs on Thursday as she kind of went; “Oh I don’t feel like a superhero today?”
So, here I am at 04.00 am, still meaning to get up at 05.00 am, i’ve got that middle of the night feeling that your life’s like ‘a train just quietly but quickly veering off the rails, into a catostrophic incident’. It’s probably not but it seems between 02.00 am and 05.00 am our friend ‘rationality’ seems to sleep like a baby, oblivious to you replanning your life out in it’s absence.
Anyway so today is Friday and although I feel a weird sense of anti – climax, my mind thinks back to going for a walk last night and getting out putting things in perspective. Although I have realised why going for a walk helps and it’s probably not for the reasons it should be. It’s dawned on me that sometimes I feel in a funk so I go out and walk, I love walking actually. Usually though when i’m out I nearly always see one of those stickers that says ‘one life, live it’. Nearly always it inspires and motivates me to get back all fired up ready to smash out another chunk of life with renewed enthusiasm, but in reality life isn’t really that simple.
I’m trying much more to think; ‘Feelings lie’, which they do, but they can also be a powerful driving force for change. I have started thinking more lately, yes work on being positive and driven more and more of my time, but also I have a theory. I think having these unsettled and frustrating feelings is natures way (or God’s) of saying ‘there’s more to life if you make some changes’, so that is what I am trying to think critically about in order to start taking steps in that direction.